You probably don’t know that I am working on a humor book. Yes (alec) I am still working on that. This blog here is in need of a post, so I am cross-posting something I wrote for the book earlier today here. Enjoy.
I didn’t know what I would find when I walked into the room. I wasn’t thinking about the horrors that could exist on the other side of the door. I opened it innocently enough, entering the room, I knew I would be the only one inside. I was leaving the party, full of wine and fake laughs, the house-guests pretending to like each other the same way congressman do – with just enough of a veil to mask their true opinions. I own the house, I invited the guests, and damn was I tired of it. Walking into the private room, I sat down on the only chair, a throne really, and sighed deeply to myself. It was nice to get away from the massive quantity of bullshittery and ass-kissing that is escaping these peoples mouths. It was at around that moment when I noticed something was askew. Something was tragically, horrifically, indescribably wrong.
The toilet paper roll was backwards.
I always had the free end of the roll ‘over’ as opposed to ‘under’. It’s easier to grab and more sanitary. There isn’t any scraping against a wall. But this roll, this roll in my own damn bathroom is decidedly ‘under’. Somebody has changed it. Somebody has the audacity to change it.
but who?
My mind searched itself for some clues, but I couldn’t figure it out. It could have been anybody, really. who? The question etched it’s why into my brain, jumping on and not letting go.
What an asshole.